I think it’s better to leave it to fate and time
then to hope and wish for that moment or day
that can make me happier as a person
Let dreams go, let hope fade
Only tears will hold this heart
I can’t wait for 28 February, the day we say “I do”. =) I love you baby…
This birthday I never felt disappointed yet again It seems that I’ll take my whole life to repay back my mistakes. And I guess forever seems forever. When the times comes, I can’t promise my life to be as ready to start a new beginning. I’m ready now yet it doesn’t help. I’m hopeful but it leaves a scar Nothing doesn’t really help but the need to just live a day at a time To let go of my dreams of starting a life To be disappointed of how my life has turned out to be I am a failure in making wrong decisions. I am a failure in love. I am a failure in even having my dreams close to me. Right now, my heart is numb. I don’t expect anything to happen for me but living each day in failure and emptiness. I still have my four walls of being with myself. This birthday, another year to celebrate nothing in my life but the envy of happiness of people around me.
silence
I wished you understood that it was never my intention to not hear or answer.
I wished I could explain how much the right ear hurt yet I’m bearing this block hearing
I wished you saw how I ran non stop without a minute to stop to breathe at work
I wished I could tell you how I tolerate my hearing from screams directly in my head these days.
But it doesn’t really matter when everything seems to be pointing at me being the problem. I told myself not to play my phone when I’m with you. I told myself to use it when you’re busy or when you’re engaged. I thought I did well these days, but I think it’s not enough. Your words said made these tears fall instantly. Maybe I am the gulity party that what I’m trying is not enough to make that perfect one you want me to be.
I’m trying to battle this ear problem of hearing, it’s not you that I’m trouble hearing. I’m not answering anyone to hear my cries or hear me say something. But all I wished was for you to understand. I am trying to keep my life when I’m with you, maybe it’s not enough for you but I will keep trying to hopefully let you see the person you want me to be.
For tonight, I guess these walls hear these cries of arrows, just pointing straight at me - for being a problem to you. I may not be perfect to you, but I will try harder to be the person you want me to be.
I wish ….
The moment u realized you wanted to cry, yet no tears rolled down. You wanted to speak, but no one’s there.
This is the moment when you feel you’re right here alone. And it hurts like a broken glass piercing through the heart. I’m crying alone in the dark and no one can hear this pain.
Have you wondered one day if you ever ran out of strength to love?
To love someone, love life, love family, love friends, love work or even love every minute of yourself.
These days, nothing crosses the empty mind of how much time and strength can I offer my love to be loved in returned.
I seemed to be losing it.
